To The Dude I Liked Years Ago

I am just trying to describe you

I recently got a DM on my Instagram from a dude I really liked 10 years ago. If I can time travel, I would have been jumping on excitement and whatnot. But instead of replying, I unfollowed him. You may ask why?

I made the mistake, long ago, of being too available to you. I did a lot of emotional work for you. I made it too clear that I liked you, and you assumed that meant I wanted to “trap” you.

So you did what dudes in their 20s do.

As Adele would say, we’re not kids no more. I see you sniffing around my DMs and liking my photos.

So I just want to say — 
I was available before, but not now. That was not a Forever Postage Stamp. That coupon expired.

I don’t want to be your second wife. I don’t want to be a stepmom to your kids. I don’t want to be your muse. Your shot in the arm. Your second chance.

I don’t want to hear your apologies or how far you’ve come since we were in our 20s. I don’t care where you were in March 2020. I do not care about your commitment issues or unfulfilled dreams.

I do not even care if you think I’m being mean right now.

You did what dudes in their 20s do, and now I’m doing what women in their 30s do — give no fucks.

Sure, I gained some weight. I don’t look the same as I did back then, and neither do you. But…I can still get some pretty hot dudes. Some interesting dudes. Some dudes with kickass jobs who will take me on tours and trips.

I can still get the dudes with emotional maturity and not afraid to show their vulnerable side. 

You might say that’s shallow. Sure! It is! And it’s great. I see why you liked it for so long.

So I know you might see me as a kind of backup because of the history we have. I would like to clarify that I most certainly am not. 

See, I was encouraged to believe that if I wasn’t married by 30, I would somehow shrivel up and become unwanted. This wasn’t true. Also, most of my availability to you was predicated on this lie.

Once I realized I had options and it wasn’t actually such a dire situation, I was free to…do what I wanted.

I’m not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but part of my desperation and availability was simply built on this societal lie. It had nothing to do with you. So that should be a relief…I think?

Anyway, please continue doing what you’re doing. Do not factor me into your life plans. I am not available to you. I do not want you.

I want to have experimental relationships, sure. With people who are not you. I would be down for a threesome, sure. With people who are not you. I’m willing to travel, and explore, and reveal parts of my soul.
 You just won’t be involved.

So please…don’t ask why I unfollowed, like you have no idea. I unfollowed because it’s inappropriate for me to know you anymore.
If you aren’t sure, maybe we can ask your wife.

Be Bold

Be Courageous

Be Your Best

More stories on my dating life:

Dating Changed My Perspective On Love And Life For Good

Woman’s life— Is There Such A Thing Being Too Independent?

Going Out As A Single Woman

Am I A Woman With Standards That Are Too High?

The Joy Of Letting Go

That’s Why I am Going To Ghost Him

Me Dealing With My Online Dating Life

Women Aren’t Funny!

Still Single in 2021 — Stop Procrastinating And Do This Instead


Welcome to Drthefit’s Newsletter—Drthefit.

Writing has always been a passion since I was a young kid. I read, take photos and love taking risks. Fitness enthusiast and making everyday worth living.

I publish posts every week and some more. My writing is personal and reflection of my experience, life journey and learnings. I write about health, fitness, well-being, every day lessons-hacks, self care, self love and how to balance career and home.

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