I’m A Feminist And I Don’t Hate Men
A wise woman once said, “f$%k this sh!t” and she lived happily ever after.
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As I have been writing about women at the workplace, in society, and other areas of life and of course my point of view as a woman and how I see and experience the world around me.
Some of my friends and people — who don’t know me personally, pointed out — it appears in my writing that I hate men and I should write more on neutral topics. I tried to ignore but I think it’s a common assumption for most people that every feminist hate man. And that is wrong.
When I am doing my research if other women are also subjected to the same hatred — especially from the women around them and honestly I am not alone.
I can understand some of the discomforts. I fully acknowledge that there are some women out there who absolutely, totally, and completely hate men. Of course, it would be nice if people could take a moment to ask why that is.
So, my dear friends, I do not hate men and I think nowhere I try to demean them in any way. I am a feminist and believe in gender quality without degrading or trashing another gender in this case men.
And yes, I can be a feminist — even an angry one — and love and respect men, too. Any suggestion otherwise is just another attempt to silence and shame women.
Yael Wolf aptly put out, believe me, those feelings are not created out of thin air, aren’t the product of the “overly emotional” feminine nature, and aren’t an indication of the supposedly inherent viciousness and instability of womankind. I’m not saying misandry in any form is helpful or fair — but I am saying that there’s a reason it happens.
In fact, I struggle with the concept that it even exists in the way many tend to identify it. It’s very much like talking about “reverse sexism,” which, like “reverse racism,” does not exist.
Misogyny and misogynoir are everywhere. All-day. Every day.
Doesn’t it seem like this is something we should be constantly combating? Constantly calling out? Constantly pushing back against?
If the answer to that is yes…then how come to the pushback from calling out misogyny and misogynoir is so harsh and so immediate?
Hating men — it’s such a common and quick accusation to try and shut up a feminist. People accuse young feminists of being motivated by hatred long before we even know the full extent of misogyny in our society. Long before we know what things far too many men are capable of doing to women without hesitation or remorse.
I realized I had wasted so much of my energy on pitiful attempts to please mediocre men. Feminist or not, I bought into damaging gender ideals for decades. I hate men who are afraid of women’s strength.
And I’m certainly not the only one.
But at least there are those of us who want to do better. At least some of us are trying to do better and we’re committed to keep learning. I have learned to ask questions and want men to acknowledge unsaid privileges they have.
What I hate is — when men blame their vices on their gender.
Recently in one of my zoom meetings, a male colleague said, his hobby is playing with his kids. How many women actually say this for themselves. None. These are the things that make me angry.
But mostly, I get tired of it because I am sickof being called a man-hater. All I have to do is say: “Hey, this is sexist.” After that, nothing I say holds water because clearly, I’m a feminazi.
I’ll tell you a secret: This is just more misogyny.
“Hating men” isn’t about holding hatred in our hearts. It’s not bigotry, prejudice, or discrimination. Hating men means that we are done accepting or ignoring the roles society has made acceptable for men. And we’re done making excuses for them to stay stuck.
What that means in our personal lives, well, that’s personal. Some of us will go on to marry men, and hopefully better men. Others among us are done letting men into our lives until they prove to be better.
The ramifications of this sort of realization are heavy and deeply varied. But at least, we’re finally beginning to talk about it.
Be Bold
Be Courageous
Be Your Best
Welcome to Drthefit’s Newsletter—Drthefit.
Writing has always been a passion since I was a young kid. I read, take photos and love taking risks. Fitness enthusiast and making everyday worth living.
I publish posts every week and some more. My writing is personal and reflection of my experience, life journey and learnings. I write about health, fitness, well-being, every day lessons-hacks, self care, self love and how to balance career and home.
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