Last week, I reconnected with a friend after 8 years. We almost lost touch in all those years and didn’t know anything about each other’s whereabouts except social media updates. After our usual catchup, we both realized how we were and how our lives turned out.
Of course, we both have grown a lot and gained experience since our college days to adulthood and how she found her love of life out of nowhere a couple of years back. As we conversed, the story of how I am single and how online dating is my life now, eventually came up. My bafflement at the daily trials and tribulations of online dating made me realize how different we are to those who found their SOs back in the day.
Sometimes we have to break our illusions so we can understand what’s real when we find it. Eventually, you come out on the other end and realize that you’d go through it all again to get to where you are now.
If there’s one thing I learned in the past couple of years of being single is that it never hurts to lower your expectations while strengthening your standards.
Your time is far too precious to waste on someone who doesn’t fit the bill, but you can’t expect anyone — especially someone you just met — to be everything you ever wanted from the get-go and swoop you off your feet.
Dating will bring out all your insecurities if you let it. The longer you’re single, and the more you crave a relationship, the worse it will be. When you want a relationship so badly, dating will make you wonder, “Am I pretty enough, interesting enough, charming enough?” Then, after you’ve been single for a while, the question becomes, “Is there something wrong with me?”
Chances are there’s nothing much wrong with you besides your anxiety over your relationship status. Once you learn to enjoy single life and accept that a relationship can’t be forced, but should be a natural consequence of a life well-lived, you’ll feel much better about yourself, and the pressure to “find someone” will be lifted.
Instead of looking for The One online, why not start enjoying the process of meeting new people. One of these days, someone you’re just trying to get to know will surprise you. They’ll be everything you’ve been looking for and more.
You should also ask yourself how you would like to feel with someone. If you want to feel respected, and appreciated, try and find someone who makes you feel that away. A lot of people like to dish out advices and some of them aren’t even happy in their own relationship. I take the feedback with a grain of salt.
As many of my fellow millennials have, I have also gone through some very disturbing and some fun interactions in my online dating life and they have left me with lessons that I will take to my grave for changing my perspective not only to love but also to life.
If a relationship is giving you more tears and drama than you need, it’s probably not the one for the long haul. Sitcoms on the TV show the Rosses and Rachel’s world, the Sheldon’s and Amy’s, the Ted’s and Robin’s — they break up and makeup all the time.
In reality, life should be more like Jake and Amy — you meet, you fall in love, you get married — probably not without any roadblocks or complications, but with less heartache than necessary. If someone is making you unhappy, the best thing you can do is leave.
If someone’s behavior is stressing you out, leave. If someone’s absence gives you peace of mind, leave. It’s hard, of course, but you owe yourself a life without tears and drama. Sometimes things just Don’t Work Out — And That’s Good.
In love and life, not everything goes your way — and it’s frustrating most of the time.
That job you wanted, that promotion you were perfect for, that team you were supporting that lost the match, that man you wanted a second date with but didn’t text you back — things go wrong all the time and we can’t control everything.
Just because you want something, doesn’t mean you will get it. And because you don’t get it, you are better off without it. Trust me. When you don’t get something or someone you wanted, know that something better will come your way. If it doesn’t, you make it happen. Go after what you want but if it doesn’t come to you, let it be. Sometimes, things just don’t work out.
The guy who just wants to ‘See Where It Goes”, the truth is, he doesn’t care about you and already knows where it’s going to end up. We all know what happens when we don’t put effort into something. It tapers off. It fades. The project isn’t successful.
In the end, you deserve better. You are worth more than someone who is lukewarm about the idea of getting to know you. You deserve someone who makes the effort to be vulnerable and be real with you.
A relationship isn’t worth having if it’s with someone who isn’t trying to be a good person or take care of you and vice versa. The absolute worst part in such a relationship is that someone is taking up space in your life that could be occupied by something better- something that you deserve.
Online dating never did lead me to a partner or babies, but what it did get me: a greater understanding of self, the confidence needed to be alone, the strength to say “No” and the courage to merely walk away from a situation that feels unsafe, trust in my own gut instincts.
If you ask me— dating experience did leave me a tad bit scared but I’m a big girl, I’ll get over it.
More stories on self:
Woman’s Life — Why Marriage is Important Or May be Not!
Be Bold
Be Courageous
Be Your Best
Welcome to Drthefit’s Newsletter—Drthefit.
Writing has always been a passion since I was a young kid. I read, take photos and love taking risks. Fitness enthusiast and making everyday worth living.
I publish posts every week and some more. My writing is personal and reflection of my experience, life journey and learnings. I write about health, fitness, well-being, every day lessons-hacks, self care, self love and how to balance career and home.
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