You truly learn your worth when you’re in love with yourself.
Before taking a dating hiatus, I always relied on my partners to make me feel good about myself. I sought compliments, secretly loved when I was the center of attention, and always looked after myself and my physique in order to maintain a certain appearance.
I never thought about my worth. Behind closed doors, I was one of the most insecure people that I knew. I wished I were perfect, wished for a perfect body, wished I knew what the heck men were talking about when it came to sports, politics and economics.
I shamed myself for not looking a certain way or thinking the same way as others, and while on the outside, my self-esteem was always elevated, in reality, it was non-existent.
I read that when we allow ourselves to buy into a feeling of inferiority through comparison or that the “grass is greener,” we invalidate our own gifts and achievements.
I spent my whole teenage years comparing myself to others. All that time, I bypassed my own positive traits and unique abilities. I had so so much more to offer than I ever even dreamed possible.
Living alone showed me my true and most authentic self because instead of focusing solely on my partners, I learned to focus on myself and my own needs.
I learned to improve myself in various ways, and slowly but surely, I’m becoming the best possible version of myself that I could ever be. That version is not with perfect hair or body, nor politically versed. I learned to be more than okay with that; in fact, I learned to love it.
When you truly learn to love yourself and see the good in who you are, you realize that you’re worthy of so much more than you ever even realized.
It makes finding the right people that much easier. Instead of settling for whatever comes your way, you hold yourself to higher standards. You’re aware of the value that you hold and what you bring to the table.
You don’t settle for less than what you deserve.
The relationship I’m currently in is the most loving relationship I’ve ever known, and I don’t think I would ever have come to be in it without learning the lessons I learned in my life.
And, In times when internet dating and Zoom dating are growing exponentially, there’s a whole lot of us out there who are simply happy on our own.
Why isn’t society reflecting this image of women out there, doing all kinds of things, without having to bring along a partner-in-crime or with picture perfect babies? Without it being such a big deal?
Well, maybe society is showing it to us, but as single women, we’re so busy explaining ourselves, that we aren’t noticing that we don’t need to. We don’t have to explain it, justify it, or relieve the burden of confusion for people who aren’t as independent as we are. Just get out there and do it.
Want to travel? Plan that trip. Do you need to get some outdoor air or sunshine? Go to the park. Alone — be smart and careful, of course, but you shouldn’t let your singlehood prevent you from living a complete, fulfilling life!
Want to go for a fancy dinner — book a table for yourself and go. Wear your damn sexy LBD that you are saving for an Instagram worthy perfect moment.
I wouldn’t have the same mindset about love or life, and I definitely don’t think I’d be living the life I am right now. While every relationship inevitably teaches you something, your relationship with yourself teaches you the absolute most.
If you’re single right now, take advantage of every moment of it. It is, after all, your first greatest adventure.
Best wishes to all the ladies out there, navigating life on your own terms, seeking your own fulfilling lives.
You’ve got this, my queens. You’ve got this.
Be Your Best
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